I know you want your life to be pain free, to feel good about yourself, and that you are a "good enough" parent, spouse, employer/employee, and friend. But if you default under stress to those habits... of withdrawing, giving up, compensating with overfunctioning behaviors, you will end up exhausted and not happy!
The problem is you have already spent lots of money in coaching, or other therapy, and don't have much hope. You are accepting what isn't really working, and is robbing your lifeforce. Don't settle for the "hoh-humm" life just because you have never heard of birth trauma and how it impacts adults and children.
Unnamed birth trauma lives on. That means when you get stressed, you expect your partner to save you, blame them when they don’t, and collapse into a scared infant. Maybe you self-attack, self-abandon, and get totally confused about what to do, so you withdraw, go numb or seek substances to escape the inner confusion. Or, you don't even look for healthy relating.